12:52 p.m. - 2009-08-23
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I feel like both of us need each other, want to connect but neither of us knows how right now, or are fearfull of it and the fear is over powering the need and in my case the want. I can see in his eyes He wants to reach out, just as badly as i do, what is wrong with us? I think he is scared to reach out because he is worried i will let emotions take over, but releasing them is healthy for both of us. We just need to do so with the love we have for each other, and not let the overwhelming emotions, fears, stresses take over, we need to let them go with out letting them take over, i really need to do this and he needs to be more patient and consistant. We are each other's strengths, or used to be. I want that back, i need it back. We need to stop hiding from each other and devote time for us, for talking, for laughing, for crying, for sharing or i fear we are going to fall apart. I dont want to lose what i know we have. I am in love with Him, he is everything to me and it hurts me to feel the barriers between us, and yet i feel the longing and need for each other. I dont feel like i am alone yet and loving a person who does not love me, or needing a person who does not need me but i am scared that if we dont work on us, we will fall apart.
Both of us are going through a hard time right now, some reasons are the same and some are different but i need him and feel that he needs me as well and i want to be there for him as much as i want him to be there for me. What is wrong with us?
We need to quit hiding from each other, and give in to us, to work on us, to be each other's strengths when the other is weak. I miss us, i need us, how do i reach out? i need the strength, the patience, the guidence and support to see when i am no longer releasing my emotions and fears in a healthy way and and letting them rule me. I dont want that with Daddy, i want us to share ourselves with each other, give ourselves to each other and let each other be our strenght rather than get so over whelmed with our fears, feelings, stresses, that we loose control, much like we used to.
i also need to loose control, mentally. I need to help to enter a sub-state, i need to let go, just for a while. i need to feel sexy, free, relaxed, eurphoric, lost in the sounds, feelings, touch, smell, taste, control, with out interruptions, with out inhibitions, fears, competition,. I need to feel lost in love, sexy, warm, safe, wanted, trusted, needed, desired, used, made to embrace things with in myself that are good, that are postive because right now, i cant see any of this...
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